.png)
I made a YouTube video about this which you can watch here.
I struggle with a lot of mental health issues that cause a lot of challenges in my day-to-day life. I look around on the internet and there are a lot of people sharing their stories and I want to share mine as well. So, I thought the best place to start would be my first panic attack.
My first panic attack happened when I was 15-years-old, about 7 years ago, in my Grade 11 physics class. We had a reading period for the first 20 minutes of our second class everyday when everyone was silent, sat at their desks, and got to read whatever book they had at the time. I personally loved reading period but something was different that day and it wasn't something I could really predict. I didn't feel any different going into the class but as soon as I sat down it started.
I sat at my desk in the front row and the classroom was completely silent. I started to feel this sensation in my chest and in my legs quickly building–a numb tingly feeling in my legs and a tightness in my chest. My heart started to beat fast and my breathing started getting short. If you've ever experienced a panic attack you know that these are the telltale signs but I had no idea what was happening. I was very uncomfortable so I immediately ran out of the room in front of the whole class which was not not the best feeling in the world.
As I was feeling all these sensations it became very uncomfortable and I wasn't sure what I needed but I was positive about what I did not need and that was to be in the classroom any longer. I bolted for the door and ran out of the classroom down the hall to the bathroom and just needed a private place to figure out what was going on.
At the time I had no clue what I was experiencing and thought I might have been having a heart attack! I had no idea that it was mental whatsoever. Obviously, it had physical symptoms but I didn't know that it was a panic attack. In fact, I hadn't even heard of a panic attack at that time in my life.
I remember being in that bathroom terrified and not even knowing what I was terrified of. Like most panic attacks it peaked after about 15 minutes and then slowly died away but I was definitely prepared to go into the hall and get someone to call 9-1-1 or get me to the school nurse to be looked at because I genuinely thought I was going through a physical attack of some sort, at the time it was very traumatizing.
The way the classes were set up, I had that physics class in the same period for the entire week so I had reading period for the first 20 minutes again the following day. I walked into the same class, sat down to do my reading, and again the same sensation hit me. I ran out of the class and I hid away in the washroom waiting for it to go away.
It was around that time that I suspected it was not physical and was more mental but I had no idea what was happening before this point in my life. I was definitely an anxious kid growing up; I had struggles with mental health before that point in my life but it was the first time I had experienced something that severe and gripping.
Essentially, every reading period after that I had to sit in the hallway and read because I didn't know what the cause was but I was severely uncomfortable being in the classroom in any of my classes when reading period occurred. As time went on I learned about myself, my anxiety, my thought processes, and I learned that reading period was a trigger for my anxiety.
It was one of the things that would cause panic attacks for me because it was a situation that I felt I couldn't escape from. But at the time I had absolutely no idea what was going on. I didn't know what a panic attack was, I didn't know what was happening to me or why, and I didn't know what was causing it.
All I knew was that this thing was having a large impact on my day so I started taking my book and reading outside in the hall for those 20 minutes for all my classes. Of course, there are a lot worse situations I could have been in–at least I was comfortable in the hallway and didn't have panic attacks anymore. But the point I want to hit on is how uneducated I was and and just how naive I was about what I was going through.
If I had known what I know now it definitely would have helped me in the long run a lot sooner to identify panic attacks and that reading period was one of the triggers of a panic attack. I don’t know why they started but the great thing about anxiety, panic attacks, and a lot of mental health issues is that you don't need to know what caused them or why they started. All you have to know is your present situation and learn the skills and solutions to your current situation.
So, if you're going through any of these things as well or something even slightly similar then we're in the same boat and I think that hearing other people's stories and learning about their experiences can really help us with understanding our own circumstances.
If I had other peoples’ stories to read about when I was in Grade 11 I would have been able to identify the panic attacks. I would have started looking up resources for panic attacks, why they were happening to me, and coping mechanisms for them. I would have discovered meditation and learned breathing exercises.
I went through a long period of stumbling through the dark so I think that the major benefit of us sharing stories with each other is that those of us who are stumbling through the dark can learn different resources. I think it can shine the light onto the dark corners of mental health that we otherwise wouldn't receive so that's all I really want to do by sharing my stories with you.
If there's anything that I want to leave you with it’s that you are so much stronger than you know and you need to remember that you are capable of so much more than you believe. It is so important to have faith in yourself even when you feel weak because it helps us get through those really tough times like panic attacks.