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I've recently hit a major turning point in my life with regards to my mental health. My courage and determination to do the things in life I tend to avoid due to my fears and anxiety has increased tremendously. Not only that but I've been able to maintain this feeling and mindset towards my fears rather than it just occurring for a short period of time and then disappearing.
It's A Roller Coaster... I Hate Roller Coasters!
We all experience the ups and downs of the rollercoaster that is [insert your mental health disorder/struggle here]. For me it's anxiety, depression, panic attacks, and emetophobia. That's just the way it goes as with every other aspect of life, we go through ebbs and flows over time.
When I experience these differing levels with my mental health and find myself enjoying one of the brief good moments it's often a lack of fear or anxiety, or a rush of courage despite my fears.
I'll be sitting at home and think to myself, I could definitely board a plane right now and fly to another country or get on the go-train and take it to downtown Toronto. These moments of high confidence are always short lived but they're fun while they last.
However, about 3 weeks ago I started experiencing one of these high points and haven't come down yet! I've been experiencing this mentality nonstop for weeks and have no signs of slowing down.
I now believe this is no longer a temporary high point of the mental health rollercoaster but rather, a new mindset towards how I am going to live my life and deal with my fears and mental health issues.
Oh, How The Tables Have Turned!
I've spent a lot of time over the past few weeks trying to wrap my head around how and why this shift in my mindset occurred. If I could quantify it then I could give it to every person in the world struggling with their mental health so they could experience this as well!
Unfortunately, I don't think it's an easy answer. Oftentimes the best decisions, accomplishments, and experiences in life are simple but NOT easy. I think I've reached this turning point in my mindset due to an amalgamation of all the skills and techniques I've learned, resources, courses, and therapy I've committed myself to, learning about how mental health issues like anxiety and panic attacks work, and discovering the unique ways my own mind operates with respect to the mental health disorders I have.
All of these things have built up over time and slowly but surely the scales have begun to tip. This new mindset is even affecting how confident I am in facing my phobia which is incredible because that's the most intense fear I've ever experienced in life!
The level of fear and anxiety in my life has always overshadowed the level of desire I have to live my life without limitations. I want to go to the big city for a fun adventure with friends? Fear and anxiety won't let it happen. Go network with a big industry leader that requires a far drive? Panic and fear is too debilitating. Get on a plane to go on a trip with friends or family? Ha! Forget it.
But now for the first time in my life the level of desire to do all those things has surpassed the level of anxiety and fear I feel. So while I still have all the panic and anxiety I used to have, I no longer care about the consequences enough to let them stop me from doing the things in life I want to experience.
Will I have severe anxiety and panic attacks? Probably, but I don't care anymore. I'm ready for whatever punches these disorders are going to throw my way and they're going to be met with swift counter-attacks. 👊
I'm Not Writing This to Create A Disconnect
Now, I'm not writing this to create a disconnect between us. The last thing I want to do is sound like I've hit a huge milestone with my mental health and decided to put myself on a pedestal and brag about it to anyone still struggling.
The truth is that I am still struggling with my mental health a lot and I know what it's like to hear other people's stories and get jealous of their success. The reason I want to share this experience with you is to express that there is hope.
If you've read my other posts or watched the videos on my channel then you know that I share all of my successes with mental health as well as my struggles and failures. This is because I want to be sincere and show that none of us are alone.
When I share a failure or disappointment in my mental health journey it's to illustrate that we are all going through hard times and we are in this together. When I share successes or turning points like this, it's to show that there is light at the end of the tunnel and if I can experience these good times then we all can!
If I Can Experience This Then So Can You
I will continue documenting and sharing my progress going forward both on my blog, The Anxious Typewriter and on my YouTube Channel. So if you prefer to watch these experiences about my anxiety, panic attacks, and phobia in action then the videos are there for you!
I've struggled a lot with my mental health and continue to even as I'm writing this but if I can reach this level of strength and courage towards my mental health disorders then you can too! You have the strength to do it even if you don't believe in yourself. There's a whole community of us who believe in you and support you.
It's not a matter of "if" it happens, it's a matter of "when" it will happen for you. 🫵